Friday, November 04, 2005

Clean-up! Aisle 6.

Yesterday, I went to Walgreens to pick-up some pictures that had been developed and to buy a space heater (which was really annoying because I sold one at our garage sale 2 months ago for $2). I started at the photo counter. I could tell that the photo rep was having difficulty locating my prints. I told her that I would go get my heater and be back in a moment. She directed me to Aisle 6. I scanned the aisle, but did not see any heaters. Finally, I looked up. And there they were. Several varieties stocked three high one on top of another. I briefly searched for sales personnel to assist me, but decided to take matters into my own hands. I could reach the first layer of heaters just fine. It was the two others stacked on top that posed a problem. My plan was to remove the top two heaters by gently sliding the heater on the second layer out from the shelf, while balancing the third heater a top the second. I would then gingerly lower the heaters, setting both down on the ground. The closest heater would then be free. My plan went terribly wrong. I was nearly decapitated. Somewhere in the midst of my balancing act, the top heater began to fall. I tried to get under it like I'd seen at the circus. I don't remember much after this, except for the heaters toppling down on my head. In shock, I scurried to pick up the fallen heaters (but not before I grabbed the heater that was the original object of my desire from the shelf and set it aside). As I made my way back to the photo counter, I took a pit-stop at Aisle 1, the Cottage Cheese and pre-wrapped sandwiches aisle. I tried to catch a glimpse of myself in the stainless steel of the refrigerator to determine the extent of my injuries. Unfortunately, I couldn't see much. I soldiered on to the photo counter in a daze. The photo pro was looking at me differently. I was scared to ask. I retreated to my car where I immediately pulled down the visor mirror. I was shocked to see a 1.5 inch scratch on my neck, irritated and bleeding. I also noticed a bump forming over my right eyebrow the size of a large pimple. The following morning, I realized my arm was bruised. At first I thought I should introduce more iron into my diet, but then I remembered (I may have had a slight case of amnesia) that I had been pummeled by boxes the day before. That morning, my new coworker arrived at my home office to continue her training session. She asked if Bilbo had scratched my neck. My initial instinct was to say "yes" to avoid sharing the embarrassing details. However, I realized I couldn't tarnish Bilbo's reputation so I said, "No. Fred did it." The problem I have now is that I think the wound is infected. I want to go to Walgreens to pick-up some Neosporin. However, I'm certain the manager has watched the surveillance video by now and I'll be captured and forced to purchase the offending heaters. And having accused Fred of spousal abuse, I can't ask him to go. Maybe a neighbor has an Aloe Vera plant.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should have asked me, I have two in the garage. I smell lawsuit for the physical injuries you've indured, oops, I forgot you blamed your injuries on your bruiser of a husband, poor Fred. I guess he'll need a wife beater shirt now. Ha Ha!

Fred said...

the police already makes me wear an electronic ankle bracelet and you want me to wear a tshirt on top of that?

John said...

wife beater will accompany fred's ever present can of budweiser nicely...